That 50:50 feeling

Today, my dad retired, two days short of his 41 years' government service. His boss, a no-nonsense person, described my dad, an `icon'. Must admit it's a proud moment one hears this about a parent.

Two days' on, my second innings at work begin, after a two year break.

On the same date as my dad began my first innings, 41 years back.

For the woman who I am, brought up fighting stereotypes, this is a moment I've waited for - when a parent leans on you for support. Yet, when the moment dawns, fear overwhelms every other possible emotion.

Can he, who rarely stayed away from work, manage without it! His colleague joked this evening, ``Welcome back!'' They know he'll rush back to work first thing after this. Still, official `super-annuation', as they fancifully call `retirement', is the thing.

As for me, it's divine forces that got me back to where I belong - work. And I officially re-start now. Whether fear of the new workplace is bigger, or that of shouldering responsibility back home, is hard to tell.

There's happiness too. When he received accolades from the boss of his organisation, I was not away at a workplace and pining for leave, or crying over not being there for him.

Despite this, swinging between fear, fervor, and joy, I look at the tired eyes below the grey mane that rest for the night, worry-lines intact.

Miles to go...before I sleep.

have not really been away

A great many have wondered aloud about my `absence' from Writing on Sand. I must admit I have opened the URL many a time, but something would deviously turn up just as I'd mull typing those golden start words.

In the meantime, have opened blog meant largely to put up my earlier pieces from Tehelka, and probably my future pieces. Starting May, I will officially return to what I love the most, journalism in a daily newspaper, although it never really left me in the two years that I've stayed away from newsroom frenzy.

It's strange that with the second innings too, I am as jittery and nervous as when I began, exactly 10 years back. It's all the more reflective when I note, that I'll join my new organisation exactly three days after my dad officially leaves his organisation after serving it for over 40 years! Hard to think of such a service span in these years of hop-happy professionals.

This time round, am counting on family support. When I was fresh from college, it was flight from family that triggered dreams. Will key in more in the coming days.