Monday, 10 December 2007

Cancer, No answer?

Of the many good things in Tehelka, is Personal Histories -- loved by many for its real-ness. Here, it's about cancer. Have always believed cancer is one disease where doctors make their money without having to save lives...tired of seeing a patient dying? Just raise that dose of radiation. Never mind if the patient's too frail to take it...she'll at least be gone sooner...

Heard it's not the case at CMC Vellore where my friend goes for treatment. His enormous will to survive, prayer and providence apart, dedicated service by CMC Vellore's doctors seems to have worked well too. No wonder, with a hand that's missing, he still has the ability to smile.

Ninety-nine per cent of patients are not that lucky.

Cancer No Answer

Five days before D-Day

Five...four...three...two...one...and ...the D-Day. Made a quick trip to the parlour. Did a rapid fire round of shopping. Some crockery. Cosmetics. Chutney Powder.
It was all fine till I wanted to head back home by those black-n-yellow wolves on road called autorickshaws. Thirty bucks for a 2.5 km distance. Would've walked it up but for the luggage. Half an hour on road with auto-drivers behaving they were doing you a favour with their divine existence. Like you don't deserve a paid ride unless a readymade customer's waiting on the other end.
After bombarding fiance dear with gaalis for them, did find an auto-driver who cared for that thing called fare-meter. He charged one and half times - fare. That was fine. At least he did not treat that box like an antique piece. Did reach home. Thank God for small mercies!
How many invites to go? Who else to invite...sigh...guess my cerebral cells need some rest for now...

Thursday, 6 December 2007

Save yourself

Beg your pardon for bombarding three posts at once...but the thought of being off the computer for a couple of weeks...and what I am pasting below, prompted me to paste another one!

Why do we love waste? We use billions of plastic bags we don’t need and bin food we never eat
By JOHN HUMPHRYS

By the time I arrived at my house in Greece, it was late in the evening after a long journey on one of the hottest days of the year.

In Greece, hot means very hot. It was pitch black - no more than a sliver of moon - but I stripped off anyway before I’d even unpacked my bags, rushed down to the sea and fell gratefully into the water. Or rather, I fell into the plastic.

As I discovered the following morning, the entire length of the beach and the water that laps the shingle was garlanded with a million strips of the stuff - almost all of it bits of shredded carrier bags. They had been carried to the shore by a freak change in the tide, way out in the Aegean.

That was two years ago. I thought about it again this week when it was announced that all 33 councils in London had voted for a new law to ban shops in the capital from handing out free plastic carrier bags. Dozens of other towns and cities are planning to do something similar.

Many are following the heroic example of Modbury in Devon where, last year, every shop-owner agreed to ban them. This great movement is catching on around the world, from California to Germany to Ireland. And about time too.

We may, at last, be seeing the beginning of the end of the free plastic carrier bag. Not that they’re really “free”, of course. Nothing is. Anything that costs the retailer money ultimately ends up on our bills. But the biggest cost is to the environment.

The fouling of my pristine beach in Greece is a minuscule example of the incalculable damage these handy little throwaways are doing to the world.

The reason is simple: there are too many of them. No one knows how many are given away on a global basis, but it’s been calculated at about a trillion a minute. In these small islands alone it is a staggering 13 billion every year. And they all have to go somewhere.

Many end up, one way or another, in landfill sites. That might be fine if we had an infinite number of holes in the ground or if the bags decayed after a few years. But we haven’t and they don’t.

Most are virtually indestructible. We use them on average for about 20 minutes and they survive as rubbish for centuries. So they end up everywhere - and I mean everywhere.

I have seen them hanging from trees in an African rainforest, frozen into the fresh ice of an Alaskan glacier and even littering the beach of one of the remotest corners of the world, the Tasmanian wilderness.

And those are just the ones we can see. There are billions in the world’s oceans, from the Arctic to the South Atlantic, eventually torn to shreds and often swallowed by mammals and birds. Marine conservationists estimate that they kill 100,000 whales, seals, dolphins and turtles every year.

A whale washed up on a beach in France had dozens of plastic bags tangled in its intestines, including two from British supermarkets. They are, in short, a menace - and not only for the obvious damage.

Because of its sheer ubiquity, the throwaway plastic carrier bag may be the most potent symbol there has ever been of a society that has lost sight of something with which earlier generations were rightly obsessed. Waste. We use the word lightly. We scatter our conversation with it. But it has lost its moral force. Let me give you an example of what I mean.

Several years ago I was interviewed by one of our more upmarket Sunday newspapers about a book I had written. Rather frighteningly, they sent their most celebrated interviewer to do the job - a fierce woman with a reputation for skewering her subjects in print. I was duly skewered.

She “tricked” me into admitting that when I make a cup of tea for myself I do not fill the kettle to the top but boil only a mug-full of water.

From a two-hour conversation - which covered just about everything from childhood literacy to the state of the nation in general - she picked out that little gem to show that I am an eccentric character.

I was baffled then and I am baffled now. Why would anyone boil more water than they need? It takes longer for the kettle to boil (a waste of time) and uses more water (an increasingly scarce resource) and more electricity (bad for the environment).

But, of course, that misses the point. I was an object of ridicule in the eyes of this clever, sophisticated woman because it was simply very silly even to give a thought to such a quaint old-fashioned notion as waste.

That interview was nearly ten years ago and it would be nice to think that things have changed since then. I’m not sure they have. Most of us these days are conscious of how much energy we use, but that’s mostly because of climate change and bigger bills.
We are still a very long way away from viewing waste in the way our parents and grandparents viewed it - not that they always had much choice in the matter.

Almost nothing was wasted when I was a child quite simply because there was scarcely enough to go around. The historian David Kynaston has written a powerful book, Austerity Britain, in which he describes a nation after five years of war whose people were exhausted, under-nourished and poorly dressed - mostly due to rationing.

Even bread, which was freely available during the war years, was rationed. So was just about everything else. The bacon ration was one ounce a week.

My house had an outdoor lavatory and we used the South Wales Echo rather than enjoy the luxury of toilet rolls. But at least we had hot running water. More than a third of all houses did not - let alone a bathroom or indoor lavatory.

In those circumstances, the very idea of wasting food was anathema. So it remained, long after rationing had come to an end. The Sunday joint was made to last for two, or even three, days and every scrap of leftover food was eaten. Potatoes and cabbage became bubble and squeak, and stale bread became bread pudding.

On my first trip to the United States in the late Sixties I went to a restaurant called, for obvious reasons, The Big Texan. The minimum height for a waiter was 6ft 6in and the signature dish was a 72oz steak. Think of that on your plate. That’s the equivalent of a large leg of lamb.

The big gimmick was that if you ate the whole thing (with jacket potato, starter and pudding) you got the meal free. Many succeeded - there was a list of names on the wall, including that of a New York stevedore who had eaten two - but many more failed.

And, of course, the residue was thrown out. It epitomised the greed and waste of America that made me feel so smug about being British.

Thirty years later we have overtaken them. A government study a few weeks ago showed that the British waste more food than any other people on Earth: almost seven million tons a year. What is truly shocking about this is that half of it - fruit, vegetables, meat, bread and dairy produce - could have been eaten.

It’s not thrown away because it has gone rotten but because we buy more than we need and simply sling it in the bin when we realise we’re not going to eat it. For a typical family of four that means about £35 worth of food is dumped every week.

Lord Haskins, a former government adviser, calls it an “outrage” and he is right.

So who’s to blame? It’s partly the supermarkets. Haskins, who ran Northern Foods, which supplies the big supermarket chains, criticises them for their “beauty pageant” standards: refusing to sell any fruit and veg, for instance, that doesn’t meet their exact requirements for shape and size. God alone knows what risk we might be running by eating an ugly potato or knobbly carrot, but there we are.

They also trim a lot of meat and throw it away, says Haskins, ‘to make the packs appear pretty on the shelf’. And then there are the tricks to entice us to buy so much. The classic is the BOGOF: Buy One, Get One Free.

But it’s no good blaming the supermarkets. They will argue that they are merely doing what all retailers try to do: giving the customers what they want.

There’s a lot of truth in that. No one is forcing us to fall for it. We like supermarkets and what they have to offer. One study after another has shown that it can be much cheaper to buy food in local shops and markets than at Tesco or Asda, but we want the choice and the convenience, and that’s that. The problem lies with the kind of food we buy and what we do with it when we get it home.

Cousins only

So we met. All of us cousins. 10 days back. After some hesitation about budgeting…some communication gaps in between, some reservations, some eagerness.

We wanted to meet anyways. At least for that one day in the whole year. Minus our parents who still squabble, while in their 50s. A four month old toothless wonder kept us company. Wonderboy. Bundle of joy. Cherubic smiles. His kisses meant opening his mouth wide into your cheeks. Real kisses. Free of inhibitions. Free of reservations.

We’re eight cousins. Three of us – married, and with kids. Am the next to be married. My cousins may call me a madcap when I keep going back in time to Chromepet. To my granny’s house. To the sideyard. To the custard apple tree. To the Mango trees. To the jackfruit tree in a corner. To grandpa’s wooden writing desk by the window in his room where he would hate to entertain family unless it meant business.

Ideally we should have been meeting there. But the ills of globalization sure caught up with granny’s home too. For several years, she lived alone there after grandpa’s death. For several years she survived on the pension she received in her husband’s name and managed the house, with some help from neighbours.

She braved the occasional stories of servants killing home-owners to scoot off with their loot, murders happening a few streets away, and most of all, hostility of some of her offspring.

Eight of them. Add the step-siblings, the uncles, aunts, visiting relatives who found her Chennai home a convenient stopover point. And that makes for a mela. Eight of them in different age groups – living in those many different directions. With differences and dislike that multiplied by that many times as years rolled by.

Then the house got broken into. When she was away. The home was obviously too good a bet for thieves in the garb of human beings, waiting for their prey. My heart skipped a beat to even think of what would have happened if this robbery happened when granny was around. Not sure if it was one guy or more people who broke into the house. Granny was no longer allowed to stay there after that. She’s never felt happy at a single home afterward.

Only three years back, she sold off her house to divide that money among the eight.

And we, chromepet cousins lost our meeting point among the many things that were given away from that home, to offspring, to friends of offspring…et al.

So we got around last year, after some deliberation, and blew up thousands for a day and half for a collective stay at a beach farmhouse off ECR, although the beach was about 5-10 mins away. Enough to cause heartburn among elders.

That was one of the most wonderful get-togethers we cousins had. Banter n games. Laughter n love. Kids n fun. Photo-sessions. Food.

This year’s was a more modest meet at a new papa’s home, although replete with chatter, even as the elders suppressed their vexation a little. Miracles happened. Call it luck. A couple of us who had other engagements got around to working them ahead or cancelling them. So not one of us was missing! A bundle of joy kept the women glued to him. As for guys, they were glued to ….sigh…cricket. Thankfully not for the whole day! Bad light!

winter n wedding

It is that time of the year in Bangalore when wrapping a bedsheet around yourself is just not enough to beat the chill. Am wearing cloth-slippers at home. Something my granny finds amusing. But an absolute necessity. The floor feels ice-cool. Chill gets at you from just about anywhere – the window gaps, the half centimeter gap between the door and the doorstep, from the ventilation window in the bathroom…

Winter has been a whole lot of surprises, turbulences and health tornadoes so far. But now, am just waiting to get over and done with that big thing called marriage. They say marriage changes your life. They say it brings with it a package of happy and sad, good and bad, and just about everything that has to change your life. Have even attempted flipping through Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus…but never went past a few pages.

For now, all I am bothered about is, who have I missed inviting? Who to post invites to? Who to send by mail? How many calls to make? How to travel in the Bangalore chill? How many will turn up? Is the blouse for so-and-so wedding saree ready? How much does the blouse-maker, a rare species, charge for all the altering you’ve to go back to her for? How to balance the myriad ego-games that play out in front of you?

How to manage the hundreds walking into the marriage hall that day?

Given a choice, all I preferred is to elope and get married. Probably that would’ve saved a whole lot of trouble for my parents. Given a choice, two signatures on a government register, is all I want in the name of marriage. God is witness to it anyways, whether you circle the fire seven times or not, whether you wear vermillion above your brows or not. Given a choice, I wouldn’t want to wear a sign of matrimony hanging from my neck. Given a choice, I would prefer a stress-free wedding.

But no, the last thing I know will be that. There is so much role-play happening around that I am at times amused, at times laughing, at times crying at the way I get tensed about wedding decoration, about what the hell I will do after the marriage when this new status of unemployment finally hits me. Wife means this. Husband means that. In-laws mean this. Parents mean that.

It’s winter. All I want is, to snuggle in my blanket, free of the chill outside. An uncle said he was surprised I was going through all this. Frankly, I am surprised too, for the independent woman that I am. Choice, they say, is also a matter of chance.

Friday, 23 November 2007

my grandma's house

Am in Chennai, close to the sea that i adore, basking in the warmth of sea air. My second home that I love and dislike. It's a deep love thickened by the heavenly joy the city gave me in my growing years. Its smells, its wide roads, the electric trains, the overnight train journeys we as sisters did with my mom by Madras Mail, the early morning rides from Park Station to Chromepet, the walk from the station through a crowded market meandering into neat suburbs...the image of a wooden-plank swing in the verandah of a home...they are memories that come back in flashes, calming my nerves in the worst of circumstances.

What's more! Am in the company of cousins I grew up with. Summers meant Madras. An unlikely getaway for a pleasant weather pampered Bangalorean. Sweltering heat and burning feet on those asphalted roads were enough to scare us off the city.

But somehow we always wanted to get back to Madras even if there was a week's break. To our grandma's home. Chromepet Thaathagaru, as we'd call our grandpa, was the man we dreaded the most. But it was Ammumma's house. Full of love. Full of cousins. Fighting elders. Mornings meant choco milk in that Bournvita cup or barley that Ammumma would travel with from the kitchen to portico to give to each cousin, cousins going in all the four directions around the house plucking flowers. Plucking flowers -- shell flowers, jasmine of about three or four varieties, hibiscus, red oleander, tulsi. If a bunch was busy plucking flowers, another was busy catching up with sports news in Indian Express, making plans to go to the beach, or temples closeby.

If the thatch-roofed verandah formed a centre of such activity in the mornings, the backyard was no less active. Cousins would take turns in feeding the chulha near the tulasi-kota in outside the rear-verandah with dried mango leaves, twigs and just about anything burnable that they could lay hands on. Then there were others who'd draw water from the well and pour into the brass, aluminium and plastic buckets. The thotti, a mini watertank was no less utilised -- it meant climbing on for a view of the tile-roofed home from its rear. It was probably the only kitchen around those days where cooking happened on charcoal embers, bathwater on a chulha (poyyi in Telugu) that we cousins loved to feed with dried leaves and twigs for fire from the compound every morning...it was ours for those few weeks, as we invaded every nook and corner with our wild glee. The sideyard of that big plot with a tile-roofed house with its mango, custard, jackfruit and curry leaf trees, was our favourite haunt on shady afternoons.
And we played games to our best of imagination. Plenty of them, in between fights, fisticuffs, happiness and love.

That was my grandma's house, where a cement apology for apartments stands today. That was my grandma's house, that I continue to visit in my dreams today, not just in summers but every season. I have not seen the apartments that have come up there. I probably never will.

Thursday, 22 November 2007

lovely moments mean from Sir with love

Had met him after about 11 months. My school Principal. M T S, as we'd fondly call him. Was unable to write about the last meeting around last Christmas. This time round, was doubly happy when my cousin and myself saw the joy on his face when he knocked at his door.

That cosy south indian chennai home replete with its backyard, windows that are about three decades old, red-oxide flooring, a portico, simple interior and a spacious traditional kitchen that would remind you of your grandparents' home! He retired over a decade ago. But am still surprised how he maintains that youthful demeanor, how his wife so quietly manages the show at home, and how nothing has changed since he left, except that he's made that effort to grow wiser while his hairs turn silvery by the day.

We chatted about many things in between chai and biscuits that aunty made. He has just returned from a visit to his son in the United States and full of joy. That glee on his son's face on a portrait snap, the pride in his smile for being able to see his son there, his explanation of logic behind wedding rituals...wish our conversation went on and on.

Sir has not changed a bit. And said after his return from the company of warm people in that country, he found happiness only today when my cousin and I called on him.

Reaching Sir's house has always been an adventure, it's the fourth trip that me has made with a family member, with just as much as an address that I can recall -- No 7, tagore street, vijayalakshmipuram... The first time was a disaster, he was not around after all the walking in hot sun with my ever so helpful dad,..the second time -- a short and cordial, but happy meeting, the third, a warm return after 10 years. I had been too quick at losing his numbers after our last visit though, a muddlehead that I am.

Today's meeting, the fourth one, has been the most happy visits of all...my arguments about the ifs and buts of wedding rituals, questioning him on reason behind ritual, logic and lack of it, the constant jibes me and cousin Ranji exchanged with him...exchanging numbers...and most of all, his loving words of advice. The warmth of the sunshine couple is what I will cherish always.

Am happy I left several other things behind for these few moments of joy...what more joy than meeting a teacher you so loved at school! Is there any match from the contentment you get when you touch his feet and he blesses you? Hoping he makes it to the wedding:)

tears of parting

Am writing in after a good gap. But gathered enough in mindscape as the days rolled by. Have quit Tehelka. Hard, emotional, but inevitable. Have felt so much part of the family that it was hard to leave easily. A friend said recently, `love your job, not your company'. I would agree with that, not in my case though. How can you not miss what you made a home for nearly four years? How can you forget what you gleefully set up as part of the founding team, even if it were a branch office? How can you forget those moments of anxiety, pain, and constant prayer when you locked up a new office, worried about curtains not being there, windows being vulnerable to bulglary, computers needing safekeeping...? Those days of chaos when none of us knew where the paper was heading, those lonely moments when gossip of a daily newspaper did not form your day...it was all about Tehelka. Nothing else mattered.
Life, as I told my boss in my adieu note, revolved around work so far. Am hoping that marriage makes me work better in future. As they say, putting your foot on a new step means having to leave the previous one...the staircase is the same at the end of it all! Mails from my bosses did make me feel elated. I will continue to write...for that's me

Friday, 9 November 2007

does the West care to know more?

Have headed to the comp by default after watching the animated film on Mahabharata. Cartoon Network. Yesterday I watched an episode of its Krishna series. And liked it. Krishna -- the animated version is good, despite its shortcomings. It's characters look Indian. The saddest thing about Mahabharata animated, is that its makers did not care much about the research aspect. Athletic bodies of men that remind you of Hollywood heroes, pathetic costume sense -- check the skin-tight tops, lack of style, stark difference in body language, a Draupadi who looks like more manly and it only makes you want to look away. The game of dice becomes Snakes and Ladders in Mahabharata. Jungle huts stand over bamboo stilts (nothing wrong with it), but we thought bamboo stilt huts are found only in the North-East where constant flooding makes its demands on housing structures!
Indians have a different body language, a different sense of style, aesthetics and gait. What is more concerning, is that this is what the children are watching. Why are we clamping down a Western body language on them, and making them believe that's the thing?
What a contrast from the Sundays when life centered around Ramanand Sagar's Ramayan and B R Chopra's Mahabharat! They were not perfect, but were at least Indian enough to be watched by Indians. And we children still relate to them visually.

Thursday, 8 November 2007

on way to the altar

Forty days from now, I tie the knot. Get married. With my childhood friend who was always around in my life. But something happened. And we decided to go it together, chucking our inhibitions, fears of hurting our people's `sentiments' and even the fear of losing each other as friends.

Left to myself, I would have preferred living in. Yeah. My college peers will wonder if it was the same me when the hear this. They've known me as this conservative go-getter running in and out of the library and being mad about something or the other.

But it's true. With each passing year, I'm only growing to question everything around -- from why only the woman should wear a sign of being married, to why a human and God are forever addressed as `he'. Why not `she'?

Why on earth should the husband alone be the one you love the most? Why are you dubbed adulterous even if you as much as be friends with another man? Why is chastity forever the burden of a woman? Who invented this ritual called marriage that's become a caste-based racist business today? Why are we Indians clinging on to a system of caste we don't even know how old it is?

These are questions that run the mind of probably every woman. Just as it makes me wonder always why my male friends always prefer to vent their frustration by abusing women verbally. Or why the woman in any brahmin household still becomes a temporary untouchable for three days a month, deeming her `impure'. It doesn't matter that the same woman cannot give up work at her office however tired she is. It doesn't help that she's taking on work even when she's tired.

But for journalism, I would not have as much as channelised my inner fire. My energy would have been lost in simply reacting to everything men around me did.

`Why living in? When your parents have relented keeping their reservations aside?' people ask.

It's not people who I am questioning. It's the system that people have allowed to evolve over the years. It's the structure people refuse to break for something contemporary and something new.
It's their reluctance to allow something new. It's their perennial fear of `what others will say' that suffocates.

I read somewhere that in the vedic ages, it was kankanabandhanam, the bangle-knot that held significance. Apparently the boy and the girl were made to wear these as a sign of being married, for protection from evil, and so on.

While over the ages people conveniently converted this into a ritual part of the wedding ceremony in many communities, they've not made the effort to go back in history to find out the significance of the ritual.

Living in has its enormous disadvantages. It's a Western concept. But tell me, what was the purpose of marriage in the first place? Wasn't it about letting two people adjust to each other? Don't live-in couples too do the same? And are divorces not happening despite grand weddings that more often than not leave parents near bankrupt?

I'm heading to the altar with some optimism. Am also trying to shed inhibitions. But the questions remain.

breather this diwali

It was during high school that my sister and I somehow started developing a dislike to crackers. When neighbours lit the Lakshmi, bijli, or rockets, it was like we saw currency notes burn in the air.
Showers of light in the form of flower pots and sparklers are good. But sheer waste of precious money for shortlived joy.
Over 15 years on, it's diwali in Bangalore. And such a blessing not to hear those pathetic cracker noises like before. Is it a conscious decision by the city's millions of denizens not to indulge in vulgar display of wealth? Is it green Diwali?
Or just the case of cracker prices sky-rocketing by each passing year? Either ways, it's not just Bangalore's roads, but its millions who benefit, by getting to breathe easier.
Wonder why no one has thought of holding community or colony cracker shows in open playgrounds instead of spilling paper garbage on roads.

from death called fear, to life

We stood at the moving staircase.
You and I.
It threatened to gobble me up as it moved.
You led me in, clasping my hand.
Like a mother held its child…
Time froze, and I stopped breathing.
We got off the escalator.
You and I.
I heaved deep sighs of relief.
You led me, my dear, from fear to ecstasy.
You breathed new life into me.

Wednesday, 7 November 2007

in anger you said you wanted me dead

in anger, you said you'd kill me
you were frustrated,
irked you could do little to belittle the rebel in me

you wondered aloud what was wrong with me
he said, sit with her, talk to her...
she'll tell you what's wrong
i didn't matter to you.
the ritual did
ritual that kept you from touching me.
you said you wouldn't come near me as you wanted to pray
Did your prayer matter to you more than that touch of love?
Did my ocean of tears not move you?

it brought forth my worst fears
that you wanted me dead before i was born.

It hurts all the more, because it was you who gave me life.

Monday, 5 November 2007

this is just a beginning

i stand by the sea, wondering what that big ocean is like. all i can see is the waves crashing around. all i feel is the wind blowing from that horizon...but i know there's life out there, so deep that a lifetime's too less...

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